“I remember praying and asking God, ‘Please, God, do not wake me up in the morning because I don’t want to do this anymore.’”
Sometimes a single moment can be the spark that starts transforming a lifetime of painful experiences….When all we feel is our suffering, it’s almost impossible to imagine anything could ever be different. And when light finally breaks into the darkness we’ve been experiencing it seems like the most miraculous thing in the world!
Ursula experienced this first-hand, and we were so privileged to hear her story recently…Read her story below, or watch her tell it firsthand in this special video.
Ursula’s earliest memories are of a home life dictated by her alcoholic father. He physically abused her and her mother and would regularly disappear on drinking binges. Ursula told us she made a point to always be involved in some kind of sport at school – it was a way for her to stay out of the house and away from her father.
“I couldn’t have friends over,” she told us. “I was terrified of what they would see, like him picking up a couch and throwing it at you or throwing things through the window. So growing up in school got harder and harder.”
Sometimes, Ursula’s father would take her to bars with him, even when she was 5 or 6 years old. If he ran out of money, he would leave her there in the company of other men, some of whom sexually abused her.
“Those incidences started the road to depression and anxiety,” Ursula said. She began to wish to end her life and at one point handed a knife to her mom and said, “Do the job. Get it over with…I remember praying and asking God, ‘Please, God, do not wake me up in the morning because I don’t want to do this anymore.’”
Ursula felt like she was absolutely worthless. “I thought everybody I came in contact with could do better,” she said. “My son could have a better mom. My boyfriend could find a better woman.”
But then – in the midst of the darkest depression she’d ever known – Ursula reconnected with an old friend who invited her to Crossroads Community Church. On Easter Sunday 2018, Ursula attended church, heard the message of Jesus, and gave her life to Jesus for the first time!But then - in the midst of the darkest depression she’d ever known - Ursula reconnected with an old friend who invited her to Crossroads Community Church. Click To Tweet
Everything has changed for Ursula since then. She told us, “Jesus has taught me that I am somebody, and that I am worth being here…I’m excited to get up in the mornings now.”
As Jesus is teaching Ursula where her worth is truly found, the way she sees her life is changing too. She has found a new sense of purpose in helping other men and women with stories similar to hers. Now, Ursula is partnering with Daniel Fusco Ministries and our online ministries by being a regular member of our Online Community Group. (Click here to tune in every Wednesday at 7pm and catch Ursula and the rest of our Online Community Group)!
Stories like Ursula’s inspire us continually all the time – as we experience God’s transforming work in our own lives, we want to follow her example and be agents of transformation and healing in the lives of others too.