“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” I heard someone say those words once and was blown away….I like to say, “All truth is God’s truth.” So even with something like this where these words aren’t from the Bible, there’s something powerful we can glean here.
Our culture looks at holding grudges as a strong think to do, right? How many movies have you seen where the hero of the story is out to get vengeance on someone who wronged her or her people group? “Letting it go” is what doormats do. It’s what people do when they don’t have what it takes to stand up for themselves…That’s often how we think, isn’t it?
I want to share two things with you today that revolutionized my thinking about relationships and strength and weakness.
First, forgiveness is strong.
Few things in life are as difficult as forgiving someone who has wronged you…including ourselves. When we mess things up, sometimes forgiving ourselves is the hardest thing to do. Regardless of who is receiving our forgiveness–us or someone else–the job of forgiveness is difficult work. Why? It comes down to the fact that we carry the hurts and baggage of the past into the present day. To forgive means we have to walk on past our pain and choose to keep moving forward…not easy to do.
Now, this doesn’t mean we don’t grieve or process through the wounds we bear because of other people…we absolutely need to grieve our past and present pain. But when we hold grudges instead of forgiving, we never open ourselves up to the Lord to heal us. When we open our hearts in forgiveness, and trust God with our pain, He transforms the destructiveness of our pain into something constructive and redemptive…then our wounds become a part of God’s work to make us who He wants us to be. Â
By forgiving ourselves and others, we allow God to weave the pain of our pasts into our hearts and lives in a way that makes us more like Jesus. Forgiveness allows us to be kind, compassionate, gracious, loving, joyful and peaceful.
By forgiving ourselves and others, we allow God to weave the pain of our pasts into our hearts and lives in a way that makes us more like Jesus. Click To Tweet
Second, forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same thing.
Let me tease this idea out a bit…
Earlier I mentioned that our culture sees forgiveness as something people only do when they can’t stand up for themselves — I’m here to tell you this is a false dichotomy.
What I mean is, you can stand up for yourself and forgive people, all at the same time…Forgiveness is not forgetting, and it doesn’t always involve reconciling with the person who hurt us. God doesn’t want us to allow ourselves to be mistreated! When someone has been abusive to us, there’s no way we should just let them back into our lives to keep mistreating us. God is not glorified by that.
God is glorified when we love our enemies, pray for those who persecute us, and forgive again and again (Matthew 5:43-48, 18:21-22)….but when there’s been abuse or mistreatment, trust is earned, not unconditionally given.
When we can’t reconcile (get back on good terms with) someone who’s hurt us, we can still forgive them. When we forgive, love conquers hate, grace conquers flaws, peace conquers war. But it must happen first within our own hearts. And only God, through the Spirit, can do that through the finished work of Jesus.
Living counter-culturally in these two ways is only possibly through knowing deeply, personally, and wholly, the grace of God in Jesus Christ. We can only move to forgiveness when we understand our profound debt to God for forgiving us.
Then, by the Spirit, we can translate that forgiveness for ourselves to another person.
Then, by the Spirit, we can translate that forgiveness for ourselves to another person. Click To TweetLet that person off the hook, just like God has done for you. Yes, there will be times when you put them back on the hook, and that’s okay. Forgiveness is not neat, but messy. Don’t be afraid to do the dirty work of forgiveness. Then, rejoice at the glorious liberty that comes from being in Christ. Experience God’s amazing freedom to love again. That doesn’t mean you should allow the person to repeatedly hurt you. Instead, love them enough to establish the necessary boundaries!
Ephesians 4:32 tells us to, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Dear friend, where we find God’s forgiveness, we find God’s kingdom!