“I have been carrying this my whole life. I felt like I was a terrible person and couldn’t forgive myself.”
Forgiving someone is one of the hardest things we’ll ever do in life – especially if the person you’re trying to forgive is yourself. When we heard Amber, one of our viewers, mention the same struggle this week, it made complete sense to us…but the forgiveness she’s received from Jesus is transforming the way Amber views herself too.Forgiving someone is one of the hardest things we’ll ever do in life - especially if the person you’re trying to forgive is yourself. Click To Tweet
Amber grew up with a knowledge of God. She even said, “As a child I knew Jesus was always walking with me.” But her life changed dramatically when she was just 8 years old: she was diagnosed with leukemia. She was able to beat leukemia and enter remission…but her circumstances remained challenging.
At 15, Amber had an abortion and was so burdened by her decision she didn’t tell anyone until she spoke with us on the phone this week. She said, “I have been carrying this my whole life. I felt like I was a terrible person and couldn’t forgive myself.”
After the abortion, Amber started getting into prescription drugs and meth. She stopped taking drugs when she was 18 and got pregnant again. After the birth of her second child, Amber and her fiance went back to taking prescription drugs and meth. And then one day, Amber discovered her fiance, dead in their bedroom. He had died of a methadone overdose.
After the death of her fiance, Amber felt she had completely lost control of her life. She said, “I couldn’t do life anymore. I didn’t want to live, so I sank deep into the bottle!”
Amber’s life spiralled…She got evicted from her house, she lost her vehicle, and then she attempted suicide and shot herself in the head. Amber was discovered by a friend, who called 911. She woke up in a hospital room and was partially paralyzed for three weeks.
Although she was afraid and confused, she said, “I felt God right there in the hospital. I knew He had a plan, and I felt peace!” When Amber got out of the hospital, she and her kids went to live with her parents. Amber lived with her parents for a while, but when she finally moved out, her kids didn’t go with her. Amber’s parents took custody of the children.
Amber found a home and moved in by herself….She told us this was when she really knew it was time to get to know the Lord in a deeper way, but she didn’t know what that looked like or where to begin. Then one night about a month ago, she was watching TV and she said, “I saw this program come on with a man with long dreads and thought it might be cool to watch. I didn’t know it was a Christian show, it just caught my eye.” After she started watching, she said, “I knew it was meant for me to watch!”
Now Amber records the Real Show so she doesn’t miss an episode. Amber told us, “Pastor Daniel is really real, and he is helping me understand who Jesus is!”
Before meeting Jesus, Amber had never forgiven herself for the mistakes of her past, but had been carrying the hurt and beating herself up. When she talked with one of our representatives on the phone this week, we asked if she wanted to ask God for forgiveness and to forgive herself. And she said yes! So we prayed with her, and she asked the Lord for forgiveness and for help forgiving herself as well.
Amber is part of our online community now at Crossroads Community Church and is looking for a church in her hometown to attend. Hearing her story has been an encouragement for us and a reminder that Jesus’s forgiveness is a constant we already have when we put our trust in him….then our job is to keep walking out His forgiveness by forgiving ourselves and the people in our lives as well.