(Let me pause and clarify that this article is for those struggling with typical marriage problems. If you are in a situation where you are being abused in any way, you need to separate yourself from the situation and get help immediately. You should not stay in the presence of someone who is abusive. Ever.)

Advice for a Struggling Marriage: How to Reignite Love

 

Every marriage struggles.

Even the strongest couples go through seasons of doubt, questioning whether they should stay together. If you’ve ever felt this way, you’re not alone—it’s actually quite normal.

But the real question is: How should you respond to those feelings?

After years of counseling and conversations with struggling couples, I always point them to one powerful piece of biblical wisdom:

Revelation 2:4-5 NKJV

“Nevertheless I have this against you, that you have left your first love. 5Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent and do the first works, or else I will come to you quickly and remove your lampstand from its place—unless you repent.”

From these verses, we get 3 action steps couples can take to help a struggling marriage.

✔ Remember
✔ Repent
✔ Return

Let’s break them down:

1. Remember Why You Fell in Love

Think back to the early days of your relationship.

Do you remember how excited you were to see each other? The butterflies before a date? The way you both put in effort—dressing up, speaking kindly, prioritizing each other?

Somewhere along the way, many couples stop trying. They fall into routines. They take each other for granted.

But over time, life happens. Stress, work, kids, and responsibilities pile up, and we stop prioritizing each other the way we used to. The little things we once did naturally—the things that made our relationship so exciting—slowly fade into the background.

And then one day, we look at each other and wonder, What happened to us?

The truth is, love isn’t something that just “stays.” It must be maintained, nurtured, and pursued—just like it was in the beginning.

Love isn’t just a feeling—it’s an action.

ACTION STEPS:

Reignite the romance by dating each other again!

• Plan a weekly or bi-weekly date night.
• Dress up. Wear perfume or cologne.
• Go to a nice restaurant where you can have a real conversation.
• Reminisce about your first date, your first kiss, the moment you knew you were in love.

Revisiting those memories can spark the emotions that first brought you together.

2. Repent for Past Hurts

Let’s be honest—marriage isn’t always easy, and we all make mistakes.

Maybe it’s sharp words spoken in frustration. Maybe it’s failing to show appreciation. Maybe it’s prioritizing work, hobbies, or even social media over quality time together.

Unresolved hurts create distance.

When these hurts go unaddressed, they create emotional distance. One day, we wake up feeling disconnected, not realizing that the gap was formed by a thousand tiny moments of neglect, resentment, or selfishness.

It’s easy to think, Well, if my spouse would change, things would be better. But the truth is, healing in marriage starts with personal responsibility. Instead of focusing on what your spouse has done wrong, ask yourself:

Have I been loving and patient?

Have I taken my spouse for granted?

Have I been fully present and engaged in our relationship?

Acknowledging your own shortcomings isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s a sign of strength. It opens the door for healing, grace, and a deeper emotional connection.

 

ACTION STEPS:

Next time you have a quiet moment together (perhaps on a date night), take turns apologizing for ways you’ve fallen short.

• Be specific. “I’m sorry for being short-tempered lately” or “I regret not listening when you needed me.”
• Keep the focus on your own actions—not theirs.
• Don’t expect an immediate apology in return. This is about taking personal responsibility, not keeping score.

Forgiveness isn’t a one-time event; it’s an ongoing practice. But when done sincerely, it can heal even the deepest wounds.

3. Return to Your Commitment

One of the best marriage tips I’ve ever heard is this:

Just keep going home.

When life gets tough, it’s tempting to believe you’d be happier outside your marriage. But research shows otherwise.

People who stay married through seasons of struggle are happier than those who don’t. A study was done on couples who were reportedly unhappy in their marriage (they ranked their satisfaction a 1 or 2 on a scale of 7). After five years, of the couples who stuck it out, 66% said they found happiness again. Comparatively, only 19% of those who were divorced said they were happy five years later. (Waite, Linda & Gallagher, Maggie. [2000]. The Case for Marriage. Contemporary Sociology. 30. 10.2307/3088984.)

The grass isn’t always greener after a divorce.

 

ACTION STEPS:

Find a way to reaffirm your commitment to your marriage.

• Write out a personal vow in your journal.
• Have a small, private vow renewal ceremony.
• Print your wedding vows and display them in your home.

You don’t need to go to extremes, but a tangible action can reinforce your decision to stay and fight for your marriage.

Final Thoughts: It’s Worth It

Marriage takes work, and there will always be forces trying to pull you apart. But if you choose to remember, repent, and return, you can rediscover the love and joy you once had.

And one day, you’ll look back and be so grateful you never gave up.