Do you think you’re selfish?
Probably not. But it’s an important question to ask, and it’s important to answer it honestly.
I think at different times in our lives, we all could have been described as selfish. I mean, have you spent any time at all with a toddler? Their favorite word is “MINE!” And when you were in your teens or early twenties you probably had a selfish phase too.
It’s no fun to take an honest look inward and see selfishness.
While being selfish is an all too common part of the human experience, it doesn’t have to be.
There isn’t a bit of selfishness in Jesus, and He’s our example.
So how can you tell if you’re actually selfish? Here are 6 good indicators that you are, in fact, selfish.
1. You love to take credit- If you find yourself wanting all the credit for something, you’re dealing with selfishness. A person with good character desires to give credit to others in any situation. It requires a certain level of maturity and humility to let others have the spotlight. But selfish people want that spotlight on themselves and no one else.
2. You refuse to say sorry, while simultaneously refusing to forgive others– Selfish people are terrible at apologies, and they might be even worse at forgiveness. Not being humble enough to admit fault and ask for forgiveness is a problem, especially if you call yourself a Christian. Jesus has poured his limitless forgiveness into each of us. Who are we to withhold it from anyone? 3. Succeeding is more important than loving- We can get so blinded by our selfish ambitions that we can’t even recognize when we’re valuing our success over the people in our lives. One version of this is when we go so far as to actually use people as we push our way to the top. It’s a terrible thing to take advantage of someone purely for personal gain, and an indicator that you’re probably selfish. On the other hand, truly loving someone in act of selflessness. The more you love people, the less selfish you are.
4. Failure is Terrifying- Look, nobody likes to fail. Nobody even tolerates it all that well, but being absolutely terrified of failure says a lot about who you are and maybe even how you were brought up. If you were raised to believe that love for you was based on performance, then failure could cause real anxiety for you. Non-selfish people don’t enjoy failure (who does?), but they know it doesn’t define them and they believe in their ability to get past it.
5. You always feel insecure- Insecurity and selfishness are constant companions. You rarely see one without the other. If you’re selfish, your world revolves around you, and so, logically, you think everyone else is focused on you, too. (This is absolutely false, by the way. Everyone is too busy focusing on themselves to have time to focus on you.) Basically, selfishness breeds insecurity. It’s a huge red flag and no way to live.
6. You’re a control freak- Collaboration is brutal on a selfish person, at home or at work. Their motto seems to be, “If you want something done right you have to do it yourself.” Selfish people are convinced they’re the only truly capable person at work or at home. What’s strange is that they may even feel liike they’ree keeping a benevolent eye on everyone, not seeing how controlling and demeaning they are. The reality is, being a control freak kills collaboration, creativity and initiative in others.
The truth is, Jesus did not have one smidge of selfishness in Him. It’s actually the opposite of who He was to His core: selfless. And while you may not be described as a selfish person, per se, there may be times when you take a me-first approach. If our goal is to become more like Jesus (and it should be!) we need to take steps to identify where we tend to be selfish, and then move away from that through confession and repentance.