3 Things to Remember Before Judging Someone

“Thinking is hard, that’s why most people judge.” -Carl Jung

A young couple moves into a new neighborhood.

The next morning while they are eating breakfast, the young woman sees her neighbor hanging the wash outside.

“That laundry is not very clean,” she said. “She doesn’t know how to wash correctly. Perhaps she needs better laundry soap.” Her husband looked on, but remained silent.

Every time her neighbor would hang her wash to dry, the young woman would make the same comments.

About one month later, the woman was surprised to see a nice clean wash on the line and said to her husband: “Look, she learned how to wash correctly. I wonder who taught her?”

The husband said, “I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows.”

And that’s how it goes when we stop judging others. It’s not that their behavior changes. It’s that our perspective changes…we see through the lens of grace.

It was F. B. Meyer, I believe, who once said that when we see a brother or sister in sin, there are three things we do not know: First, we do not know how hard he or she tried not to sin. And second, we do not know the power of the forces that assailed him or her. Third, we do not know what we would have done in the same circumstances.

These are the three things we should consider before judging someone’s bad behavior:

How hard they have tried not to sin: It may look like they gave in to temptation at first chance. But the reality is, they may have fought long and hard. It may have been weeks, months, or even years. And maybe in a moment of weakness, they gave in. If you’re going to take the poor decision into consideration, you need to take all the times they made a good choice into consideration, too.

How strong the force was that assailed them: Maybe their parents were addicts, so now they have substance abuse issues. Or they were abused relentlessly as a child, now they’ve fallen into the same patterns. The effects of trauma are wide-reaching and often too much to handle, especially as a minor. While we don’t condone sinful behavior, we certainly can be understanding and grace-giving to those who have been through more than we could imagine.

What would you have done in the same circumstances: What if YOU grew up with a mom who had mental health issues. Or what if YOUR dad was abusive. Maybe you’d be the one struggling to stay off drugs, or keep a job, or parent well. The best phrase I’ve heard that helps me stay grounded in grace is, “There go I, but for the grace of God.” The only reason you’ve managed not to ___________ (fill in the blank with a sinful choice), is because of the grace of God, not because you’re so smart or capable. And this same grace calls you to, “judge not lest you be judged.” -Matthew 7:1.

And if you need any more reason to be grace-giving, just remember all the ways God has shown you grace. All the things he’s forgiven you of, and how many times he’s shamed you or said, “I told you so.” If He who is without sin can be forgiving, we can too.